Thursday, March 31, 2011

Can I Get My Girlfriend Back - Yes - Possibly

The answer to the question 'can i get my girlfriend back?' is yes... probably. You see if your girl still loves you, no matter how much you've messed up in the past, she will more than likely be receptive to you if you can prove to her that she won't be wasting her time and that she won't get hurt again. No one wants to be hurt and no one wants to set themselves up to be hurt by trusting someone who has already proven they can't be trusted. For this reason you will probably be able to win her back but you had better expect an uphill climb.

The first step is to give her a little time and space. Don't rush her or expect everything to happen quickly. It takes a lot longer to rebuild trust than it took to tear it apart. More than likely by the time you've gotten to this point you've let her down more than once. Please don't think that all that past hurt and all those mistakes will go away and she'll forget about them just because you say 'I'm sorry' or you tell her that 'I've changed'. She'll probably need to see some proof that that is true.

It's important for you to concentrate on yourself instead of just trying to convince her you've changed. It will take you time to truly change the person that you are and you don't want to make the mistake of thinking you can somehow 'trick' her into believing you are a different man.

It's true, you may be able to but what will that accomplish? Eventually she'll just see that you've lied to her... again and she'll just leave you all over again. Eventually she won't fall for it and the two of you will truly be done. Much better to actually make the changes and make them permanently. It will not only give you the answer to the question 'can i get my girlfriend back' it will also help you to keep the relationship strong and just make you a better man overall.

Depending on how much time has passed since the two of you broke up, you may want to start all over with her. Pretend like the two of you are just getting to know each other. Take it very slow. The worst thing you can do at that point is to try and talk her into trusting you again. This is just more lip service. Instead try to spend time with her, just as a friend, and let her see that you've really changed. When she sees it with her own eyes it's much more likely that she'll learn to trust you again.

Remember, if you want to know 'can i get my girlfriend back?' the answer really lies mostly with you. Love doesn't die that easily so unless you really treated her badly it's very likely that she still cares for you. It's up to you to prove to her that she's not a fool for it.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Are You Studying Relationship Psychology

Are you studying relationship psychology in a bid to discover why you and your partner don't appear to be getting on very well? If so I would suggest you stop before you end up driving yourself nuts.

There are a huge number of relationship philosophy and psychology books out on the market but every one you read appears to contradict the others. In a recent interview, even Dr Phil, the relationship expert,admitted that most therapist and counselors don't know how to fix a partnership. Sure they will give you the theory and the reasons behind some types of behavior, but whether that sorts out your particular problem is more a matter of luck than anything else. Often they come from a background of broken relationships, but you won't know this as your counselor never divulges their personal details to their clients.

Every partnership is different and while some issues between men and women i.e. who wants more sex, who does the most housework, who earns the most money, who minds the kids more often; can be similar. However at the end of the day the issues you are facing are as a direct result of who you and your partner are.

Does that mean you can't find help? Of course not but you don't need a relationship psychology course to do it. What you need is a great self help book that will help you to communicate and relate to your partner better. Something for both of you to read and share.

I suggest the Magic of Making Up as it is written by a man which is rather unusual to start with. Mr Jackson is very happily married and committed to helping his clients either become that way or remain that way. You only have to read some of the comments from his readers to see what impact the book had on their lives. Perhaps you have come to the end of your partnership, as I am not going to lie and say every relationship can be saved, but at least wait before making your decision until you read this book. Then you will be armed with the knowledge to make the right decision for you, your partner and if appropriate your kids.

It takes guts to admit that there are issues in your partnership that need working on. It is so much easier to put your head in the sand and hope that they will go away. But the sad fact is that most won't disappear for good. They may go away for a little while but they will come back and perhaps even worse than before. Problems have a way of developing a life of their own if they are not dealt with quickly and efficiently.

You and your partner have invested a lot in each other and so you should be willing to take one more step to try to prevent a breakup. So forget about studying relationship psychology and instead concentrate on making each other happy once again.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Can I Get My Ex To Love Me Again - Consider This

Are you asking yourself the question: can I get my ex to love me again, I don't want to diminish the hurt and anguish you're going through, but I wish I had a penny for every time I've heard someone ask that question. You see, it's not an uncommon problem. Sometimes we are the ones who end a relationship and then later realize that it was a mistake to let them go. Other times, it's out of our hands and someone we love has let us go. Either way, you can make things work out and have your love back with you, no matter how impossible or hopeless it may seem now.

There is one thing you really need to consider, and that is that it's very, very likely that your ex does still love you. Love can be killed. If you treat someone bad enough, long enough the love they had for you will turn to disdain. But, in a lot of cases, that don't involve out and out abuse, but rather just a slow deterioration of the relationship where you both start to take each other for granted, the love is very likely still alive and well even though it's buried and you can't see it.

It's in these times that it's usually the easiest to fan those flames and reignite the passion and love the two of you once felt. If you lost your love because you were abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually) do both of you a favor and don't even consider rekindling things with your ex, or finding someone new, until you've spent some serious time with a counselor who can help you figure out why you have the need to hurt another person, especially someone who loves you.

If the problems aren't quite that serious and dire, the first thing you should do is to find out what your ex does feel for you. The best way to do that is to ask. Call your ex and invite them to coffee, dinner, lunch, a walk, etc. The point is try to find an enjoyable activity that the two of you can do together that will allow you to talk.

This 'date' doesn't have to be a big deal, as a matter of fact, you're probably going to want to keep things pretty casual at this point. Just have fun. Remind your ex of what a great, fun loving person you are. They probably haven't seen that side of you for quite some time. It's hard to be happy and carefree when your relationship is on the rocks. Remind them.

Pay attention to the way your ex responds to these glimpses of the 'old you'. Do they seem interested and engaged? If so, it's a pretty good bet that the love is still there. Do they seem indifferent and like they can't wait to get out of there? If that's the case it might just be too late and you may have to be ready to walk away.

If you and your ex have a great time, ask them if they'd like to get together again. Still keep things light and casual. Don't move too fast. Just keep reminding them, by actions and not words, of the person they fell in love with. This will basically allow the two of you to start all over and that is the answer to your question: can I get my ex to love me again?

Friday, March 25, 2011

A Simple Plan For How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

No two ways about it, emotions run high after a break up. That's a completely natural reaction, but these emotions can work against you, especially if you are wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back. There aren't any high school classes that teach us how to handle break ups which means we often have to navigate the situation on our own; stumbling through it all and hoping we're going about it the right way. The good news is that all you really need to increase your chances of success is a simple plan like the one that follows.

You need to give your ex some time and space. This has the dual effect of giving each of you a chance to calm down and collect your thoughts, as well as sending your ex boyfriend the signal that you are doing fine without him. What? That's right. Even though you may feel like a wreck without having him in your life, you have to show how much you don't need him.

Do what you can to reconnect with any family and friends that you haven't talked to in a while. Now, you don't want to whine about everything and unload all of your problems on them. But you should certainly feel free to just talk to them and draw emotional support from them; not necessarily in a direct way, but from the fact that you have a social circle of people that care about you.

While it's not a part of the overall plan, you may wish to ask your family and friends what they saw as the downfall of your relationship. Be cautious though. If they didn't like your ex, they may place undue blame on him. On the other hand, if they did like him, they may lay more blame on you. However, you could also hear some things you weren't aware of, and will be able to fix those things.

Regardless of whether or not you ask the people you know, you have to reflect on what went wrong. You need to try to look at it as logically as possible, as though you were an outside observer.

After taking some time away from each other and finding out what went wrong, it's time to talk to your ex. Do not make the mistake of baring all of your feelings at once. You need to keep the first conversations light and positive. Over the course of several conversations, you can start talking about what went wrong, how you plan on doing better, and the possibility of getting back together. That's really about all there is to how to get your ex boyfriend back. However, this or any other plan is totally useless if you don't follow through on the steps. So, the choice is yours. You can read this and keep hoping, or you can actually do something to make it happen.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Are Your Contemplating Divorce - A Marriage Counsellor Can Help Save Your Marriage

If you are thinking that your marriage is in trouble and it’s time for a divorce, perhaps a marriage counsellor can help. There are many marriage counsellors who specialize in just that – helping people like you to save their marriage. But how do you know if a marriage counsellor is a good one? Here are a few tips to keep in mind when looking for a family therapist or marriage counsellor.

1. The first thing you need to look at is the credentials of the counsellor. There are three different classes of counsellors:

* The first type is a Ph.D or Psy.D level counsellor. These counsellors have spent at least five years at graduate school and have performed a minimum of 3,000 hours of therapy while being supervised by an experienced psychologist. A person will need to have a doctoral level degree to be qualified legally as a ‘clinical psychologist’. A counsellor with a Ph.D is often more academic and will often do forensic and scholarly work as well as therapy.

* Next there is M.S.W which is a Master of Social Work. Social workers can work with individuals or in institutions and are trained to apply social theory to different situations.

* Lastly, there is the M.A. or M.S. in counselling. There are often known as Marriage and Family Therapists. This type of therapist can only work in small group counselling situations or with individuals. They will have undergone two years of study and earned a degree and will have worked a minimum of 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

A Marriage and Family Therapist (M.A. or M.S.) and Social Workers (M.S.W.) are the least expensive options for therapy and if you are claiming your marriage counselling on insurance then you will probably be directed to one of these.

2. Once you know what type of therapist you will see, you then need to find out what prices they charge. Marriage and Family Therapists tend to be the least expensive, while Clinical Psychologists are the most expensive. If you really want to save your marriage the cheapest option might not always be the best. When looking at costs, don’t just look at the cost per session but also the expected length of treatment as this can make a big difference to the overall cost.

3. Next, you will want to look at each therapists policies. You need to consider the following:

* How much do you need to pay if you miss a session?

* If you take a vacation will you still be charged for the session for that week?

* Does your therapist accept calls at home or only at the office? Do they accept calls outside of your normal session times?

* Is there another person that you can talk to in an emergency?

A good family counsellor will have one goal in mind – to help you save your marriage. If you are seeing a counsellor and you don’t feel that they are dedicated to helping you save your marriage then you should move on and find someone else. There are many good counsellors or therapists out there that can help you save your marriage from divorce, so don’t settle for divorce before giving therapy a try.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Break Up Help If Youre Still In Love With Your Ex

Did you go through a break up, but you find you still have strong feelings for your ex? Are you searching for break up help? Regardless, you now find yourself separated from the person you are still in love with and you are in a position where you will have to move on, or get help to win them back. Either way, you have come to the right place to get some help.

If you have decided that it's best for you to move on, then the type of break up help you will need depends on how bad your relationship was, and how nasty the break up itself was. If it was really bad, and there was a lot of emotional drama, then you are going to need a lot of time to come to grips with what happened and to be happy again, but it can be done.

No matter how bad you feel, it is vital that you take care of yourself. You don't have to be a martyr or a victim. Instead, you have to decide that you are going to carry on, and that you are going to be better than ever. remember, we are talking about break up help if you have decided that you are going to move on. Don't be hard on yourself for past mistakes or for the relationship coming to an end. Forgive yourself if you have to. Then hold your head high and get ready to enjoy the new life that's ahead of you.

If you find it is just too hard to go on, then get help from a professional; either a counselor or psychiatrist. They will be able to help you get on the right track. Some people feel funny about getting help, but keep in mind that they will hold everything you say in the strictest confidence, and that no matter what you tell them, they have heard it all before.

Once you are feeling better, you may actually decide that you would like to get back together with your ex, or maybe that's what you would like break up help for in the first place. If you want to get back together with your ex, then you need to take small steps. Do not start off too strong. If you push too hard they will only pull away, and that's not what you want.

Give your ex some time to sort things out. You can re-open the lines of communication after you have given them enough time. Your first contact should be low key. Your only goal here is to be able to talk to them again. Each time you talk be sure to stay positive and keep your ex feeling comfortable. By doing this, they will be more receptive to hearing from you again. And the more time you spend with them, the more they will get used to having you around again. In a nutshell, the best break up help you can have is to give it some time, stay positive, and spend more and more time with your ex.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

5 Reasons To Not Work To Get X Back

It can be hard to let go of something that was once incredibly important to you. This is the problem that many run into as they deal with a broken relationship. While some will realize that the relationship was not good for them, others will continuously work to get their ex back.

Some will have had a relationship with someone who is a great boyfriend or girlfriend. Unfortunately, others have run into relationships with partners who did not improve the quality of their lives. If you have had this type of relationship, you need to move on. You need to think of all of the reasons to not work to get X back. These five reasons are the main reasons to not work to get your ex back.

They Were Physically Abusive

If you were in a relationship with someone who was physically abusive, you should not consider them for another relationship. While they may claim that they have changed, you should not put yourself in that position again. They failed to respect you and your body. You should not be with anyone who fails to respect you.

They Were Mentally Abusive

If you were with someone who was mentally and emotionally abusive, you should not get back with them. They worked to control and manipulate you by breaking you down and diminishing your self-worth. You should never be with someone who fails to bring out the best in you.

They Were Selfish

It can be difficult to understand why some are more selfish than others. While it is normal to be somewhat selfish, it is not normal to be selfish enough to hurt the person that you are with. If your ex could not think about your well-being or your emotions because they were too selfish, you should not get back together with them.

They Were Immature

Immaturity can be a real problem in a relationship. If the person that you were with was immature, you need to give them time to grow up before you consider another relationship. If they still show signs of immaturity, you should not get back together with them.

They Cheated

The topic of cheating can be incredibly personal and confusing. While you may want to believe that it was a one-time mistake, you may be unsure if they can change. If someone cheated on you, they may cheat on you again. If you want to keep yourself from the possibility of being cheated on again by the same person, you should not get back together with them.

While some of these different reasons to not work to get X back are serious, others are more personal. You need to take a serious look at your previous relationship to understand how your ex treated you, and how you felt as you were with them. If your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend showed these qualities, think about the value of your self-worth. If they failed to appreciate you and your worth, you should not work to get back together with them.