Monday, June 28, 2010

Is Your Marriage In Crisis

Is your marriage in crisis? Would you know it if it was? Do you recognize the warning signs? A marriage in crisis can sometimes disguise itself as a normal but slightly boring marriage until it’s too late to change it and save it.

You have to pay attention to all the signs of health in your marriage to make sure your partnership is going strong. First, look at how often you have sex. While sex isn’t the whole point of the marriage—it’s much more important than just that—it’s a crucial part of a healthy marriage.

A marriage in crisis is usually pretty easy to spot by looking at your sex lives. Do you have sex infrequently? Is it a big, scheduled deal when you do have sex? Have you stopped having sex spontaneously just when you feel like it?

When sex becomes a scheduled activity, a marriage can certainly recover. In fact, most marriages go through a phase very much like that when a baby is born. Each child makes it more and more difficult to find the time to spend with our partner over a meal or before leaving for work, let alone finding a spare hour to make love.

But a marriage in crisis never breaks out of that pattern. Instead, even when the time is there the partners don’t have spontaneous sex. Usually there’s very little physical affection shown during the day either. People in love and happy to be together tend to hug and kiss different times through the day.

A loving couple will often touch each other just in passing. One will give the other a fast kiss on the cheek or forehead for no reason. Does this still happen in your marriage? Do you ever sneak a quick pinch or pat on the bottom or a sexy look in the middle of the day?

When these things start to disappear, it can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble. The other thing that goes in a very obvious way is common courtesy. When you say “thank you,” “excuse me,” and “please,” throughout your day to strangers more than you say them to your partner, something’s wrong.

We take our partners for granted in this way, and eventually this leads to a sort of coldness between people. There is simply no reason not to be affectionate and thank our partners (and say please) during the course of everyday life.

The good news is that if you’re seeing these warning signs, you can start working right now to correct them. And you don’t have to make a fanfare about it or announce the change. Simply change what you do.

Make a point of giving affection and unexpected kisses. Be very polite again, and say please and thank you, even when it’s just the two of you. Make time for making love. Do these things and your marriage in crisis could soon be back on track and you could be happier than ever.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Saving A Relationship The Easy Way

If you are interested in saving a relationship go and buy The Magic Of Making Up now. This book is written by a happily married man who gives you cheerful down to earth practical advice on how to save your marriage or partnership. Just have a look at all the testimonials he has had to see that his advice works and fast.

Whether you want to save your marriage or are talking about saving a long distance relationship, you need help. You could try marriage counseling or even doing a course like relationship rescue. But for most of us, we don't want to air our dirty laundry in public; even if it is with someone who has heard it all before or at least something similar.

We want to cure our relationship woes in private. How do I know? Why would there be shelves full of books on dealing with relationship problems if we were all ready to use counselors. There is a billion dollar industry involved in producing books, DVDs and courses on how to fix your own partnership issues.

This would not exist if there weren't loads of people willing to pay good money for these products. Unfortunately while there are some great books out there some of the material produced will do more harm than good. So you need to be careful what you read and whose advice you listen to.

Men and women are wired differently. It is not just cultural but physical differences in our brain that we are trying to overcome when communicating with members of the opposite sex. On average women have a more developed hearing and language center in their brain which may explain why traditionally they make better communicators.

Men are programmed to fight first and ask questions later. This again is a result of genetics and not a judgment on men. You can perhaps understand why it is difficult to discuss the problems you may be experiencing. But you have to learn how to communicate properly or you will either end up alone or even worse, incredibly lonely while still involved in a relationship.

A great partnership means that you have to share common interests. You have to be able to trust each other and have the facility to discuss how you are feeling without being worried about retribution. You both have to be allowed to be honest even when what you are saying is not what the other person wants to hear. This is not the same as you have the right to hurt one another. Wanting to inflict emotional pain on your partner is not one of the hallmarks of a successful relationship.

The good news is that you can learn how to do all these so long as you have a good teacher and they don't come much better than Mr T W Jackson. Saving a relationship will be easy once you get his book. What are you waiting for?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Is Writing Letters To Get Your Ex Back Really A Good Idea

Here is a question that people have all the time. Is writing letters to get your ex back really a good idea? There are many people that write letters, text messages, e-mails and just about every other form of text-based correspondence that you can think of on a daily basis. Many of these people will resort to that form of communication when trying to get an ex-lover to fall in love with them again.

In order to truly comment on how effective this method is, we need to examine both the good points and the bad points about it. The good to writing letters is that they will allow you to express feelings that you might not otherwise be able to express. There are plenty of people that can say more in text than they’d ever be able to say verbally. So if letters are helping you with the communication process, they can definitely be a good thing.

On the other hand, letters are also quite impersonal. People that are broken up with over the phone, over an instant messaging program, through mail or even by text-message are people that tend to really hold grudges. The most honest way to break up with someone is in person, although many people just don’t have the gumption to do it this way. Just as this is true with breakups, so too is it true with everything else related to relationships. If you want to get your ex back, the letter might not be the best way to communicate that information.

This is actually even more evident if you go back and look at the previous good point about writing letters. Even though they can help you communicate things that you find hard to communicate verbally, your ex probably already knows that. Therefore, learning to communicate those things verbally shows that you can change for the better for your ex and that is something that is more likely to make them come back to you than a written letter.

Generally speaking though, all of this might be a bit of an academic debate. The reason for that is that many times the direct approach is not the best one when it comes to getting your ex back. Writing letters to get your ex back by definition involves the direct approach. If your goal with the letter is to start up the relationship again, you can do nothing but take the direct approach. The closer to the breakup you write the letter, the less likelihood there is of the direct approach being able to work.

Most people would advise that you go with the indirect approach. Let your relationship with your ex grow back into friendship after the breakup and then take the opportunity to reignite the relationship when it comes along. That is far more indirect than direct in nature and naturally does not involve the writing of any letters. This means that at best, there is debate going back and forth about how beneficial letter writing actually is.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Openness To Healing Relationships

So many times people will find themselves in a relationship that used to be good, loving, and strong. But somehow, somewhere, things changed. Now they want to get that loving relationship back. The first thing is making sure there is an openness to healing relationships.

Most relationships that have broken down have done so over a period of time and usually because of hurts, many of which have been small. These hurts have accumulated over a period of time, though, and now they've taken on a life of their own. Over time we tend to shut ourselves off from our partner because we don't want to be hurt anymore. Once that happens you will need to make sure you can open up again and attempt to heal the relationship. Before you decide that you are going to fix your broken relationship you have to make sure that you are willing to open yourself up to the possibility of more hurt.

And, it's not just about you either. Is your partner willing to open up and work on the relationship? Many times one partner is more interested in salvaging the relationship than another. If that's the case and your partner has made it clear, either by what they've said or their overall attitude, that they have no interest in working very hard to save the relationship, you might as well call it quits. You can't do it all yourself and you can't force your partner to try.

If, on the other hand, you both agree that you will try to work on the relationship the first thing you'll both need to do is look at yourselves. You need to look at yourself and your partner needs to look at themselves. You are trying to honestly figure out what part you've played in the breakdown of the relationship and whether or not you will be committed to making the changes necessary to fix it. Again, both of you have to admit their part in the break down of the relationship as well as be willing to try to change their behavior.

After all that the next thing you will both need to do is talk to each other. This doesn't mean yelling, intimidating, or getting mad. It means and open, adult discussion about how you are feeling. You each have to be able to honestly speak your mind and explain what you think has happened, how you think it can be fixed, what you are willing to do to help fix it, and how you are feeling overall.

This step is vitally important and potentially very dangerous. This is the part where someone could get hurt feelings and that could lead to a big blowout. In order for this to work, it's crucial that you both give the other person time to talk, and not get mad or defensive about what they have to say.

If you are sure you and your partner really have an openness to healing relationships, and you're wiling to work on the steps I've listed here than the two of you will have a real shot at getting back to a place in your relationship where you can be happy to be together, and happy to be 'back to normal'.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Relationship Questions You Need To Ask

If you want to fix your relationship, then you need to ask the right question. Relationship repair can be tricky in the best of times, which is why you need to know the right questions, relationship questions, to get the information you need to repair what has been broken.

This is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Most of us won't want to ask these questions, relationship problems or not. This is because the natural human reaction to things is to try and avoid the problem as much as possible.

But relationship problems will not fix themselves. You need to make the effort to fix them, not wait for your ex to magically come around. You are the one who has realized there is a problem, and this means that you have to be the one to do the work to fix it. Whether you like it or not, it's become your responsibility.

Which brings us to the questions. Relationship questions are not easy to ask, but the answers will be worthwhile. This is the information you need to do the work that will bring you back to having a healthy relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife.

Question One: What Do You Want?

This is a question you need to ask yourself and your significant other. You need to ask yourself because you need to be able to know and articulate what it is you want from your relationship. You need to ask them so that you know that the things you want from the relationship are, if not the same, then at least compatible.

Question Two: What Were Our Best Times?

This is another question designed to get you looking at how the two of you view your relationship. If you both view different times in your relationship as the best times, this will give you a very strong indication of where things went wrong, which is the point of these questions. Relationship is based on knowing what these questions will tell you.

Question Three: What Don't You Like?

Again, this is a question both of you need to ask. This is an area where it is crucial that you don't assign blame or allow your emotions to be hurt. You need to take a full inventory of where you stand and knowing what it bothering both of you is essential.

Question Four: Where are we Heading?

The point of this is question is to see where you both think the relationship should and where it will go. Without knowing this, you won't know how bad the relationship is. If your partner thinks that the relationship is doomed to failure, this is information you need to know.

The point of doing all this is to find the true answers to these questions. Relationship rescue will be much easier when you have this information, because it will give a roadmap of the problems you need to resolve to have a stronger relationship. This is only the beginning, and you should seek out and find the information that will allow you to overcome these problems.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Thinking Of Divorce Save Marriage With A Marriage Counselor

Are you thinking of divorce? Save marriage by seeing a marriage counselor. There are many therapists who say they do marriage counseling, but how do you know which ones are really good? This article will give you a checklist of things to look for in a family therapist.

First of all, you want to see what their credentials are. There are three basic classes of counselors.

The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation. In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist. In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree. Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.

Then there is the M.S.W. This means Master of Social Work. Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work in institutions or with individuals.

Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling. Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations. They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis. They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.

If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.

Second, you have to determine what the price will be. Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive. Remember you are trying to stop divorce. Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.

Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.

Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income. If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.

Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has. Some of these policies include:

· What happens if you miss or cancel a session? · Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session? · Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session? Do they accept calls at home or just at the office? · Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?

A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up. Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal. If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save marriage.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

My Ex Wants To Get Back Together Are You Kidding Me

My ex wants to get back together? Is this your incredulous reaction when your ex calls you back after months of no contact? Perhaps he/she is the one who broke up with you or maybe you instigated the split. Either way, it might be somewhat of a surprise to have this person show up in your life again. And, if nothing else, it gets you thinking. . . what should you do?

Obviously, it all depends on the situation and circumstances and, especially, what state of mind you are in right now.

If your ex is the one that broke up with you and you've just finally started to settle into your new life without him/her, you might be temped to just tell him/her to leave you alone. This is perfectly natural and you'll probably feel good about it. Keep in mind that this might induce your ex to try even harder.

If you're still feeling the pain of your split and you still miss your ex, you may be relieved to have him/her asking you back. But be careful and tread slow here. Even if you feel like saying "Yes!" immediately, you might want to just ask him/her to call you back in a couple of days so you can think about it. If he/she does call you back, then they've earned a point. Try asking for a few more days. See how far it gets you and how far you want to take it.

But it's a good way to superficially test the sincerity of your ex. If you were the one who did the breaking up, you've got a whole different attitude and your feelings will probably be more readable; since you most likely went through them in your mind before breaking up.

Chances are that his/her first thought when your ex wants to get back together is that you will forgive him/her for breaking up with you in the first place or for causing you to want to break up. If you do plan to take him/her up on the offer, you need to forgive him/her in order to go on. Then, make sure that you know clearly and precisely what you want out of the relationship. And remember that you now are in the position to ask what you want and to also stipulate what you don't. Talk about it and see how your ex reacts.

Of course when you do decide to give the relationship a try, you also need to give your ex what he/she wants as well. Ask your ex to be specific about what he/she needs from you and then evaluate how well you will be able to fill them. Is there something that you just cannot do? If so, it's probably better to let the relationship go once again. Otherwise, you will be soon headed for your second break-up.

Hopefully this has helped you in your "my ex wants to get back together" situation.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Relief For When Your Best Friend Is In A Rebound Relationship With Your Ex

A relationship breakup can be a devastating experience for anyone. But in some cases, the people in your life make the situation even worse. Sometimes, you will find that your best friend is in a rebound relationship with your ex. It can be incredibly confusing, disheartening, and disappointing. Some people will simply be sad when this happens. Others will become angry and confused. If your best friend in rebound relationship with ex, there are a few things that you need to do.

Vent

You need to be able to vent to someone about the issue. You can easily have a rush of emotions when you find that your best friend is dating your ex. If you find this to be the case, you need to tell someone how you feel. Getting all of your anger and frustration out to someone is a necessary step.

If this is something that is making you sad, you need to cry on someones shoulder. Venting will allow you to calm down a little. Venting may help you feel better, and may help you to clear out your head.

Be Angry and Upset

In general, people will tell you to calm down when you realize that your best friend is dating your ex. It is normal to feel angry and upset, however. Most people want to keep their exes to themselves. While they may not be dating, they want to hold their memories with them close. A friend dating the ex could ruin those memories.

If this happens to you, it is OK to be angry and upset. Find a release that allows you to get all of your anger and frustration out. Go to a gym and work out, or work on your favorite hobby. Do whatever you need to do to allow yourself to be both angry and upset for a while.

Re-Evaluate your Friendship

At some point, you need to re-evaluate your friendship with the person who is now dating your ex. You need to think about the entire situation before you write them off. If you are not careful, you may ruin a good friendship over someone you are not even dating anymore.

You need to think about boundaries. Did you clearly state to them that you do not want them dating your ex? How would they feel about the exact same situation? Understand what they are going through as well before you make any decisions about your friendship.

At first, a friend dating an ex can be an incredibly tough situation. Your heart may still be broken, and you may find that it makes it even worse. It is important to know that it is OK to feel angry and upset. It is OK to vent to someone about the situation. This will help you to make the right decision about your friendship in the end.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Moving On - Break Up Advice

Keeley knew it was time to be moving on. Break up with her boyfriend Joe had just happened. She knew there was no chance of getting back together, so she had to get on with her life.

First, Keeley tried talking to her friends about the break up. At first, they were sympathetic. But soon, they became bored with the topic and wanted to talk about their own issues. Keeley became frustrated at their lack of support.

Her mom, on the other hand, couldn’t talk about anything but Joe. She thought Keeley was insane to let him get away. It sometimes seemed like her mom had been more in love with Joe than Keeley ever was.

After a few weeks, Keeley decided to go to a therapist for five sessions. Over the course of a few weeks, she began to identify the problems which had led to the break up and plan out a strategy for moving on.

The first thing she did was to for the moving on break up was to get rid of all of Joe’s things. Some, like the leather jacket he loved, she gave back. Other things like his toothbrush she just threw away. And, he had given her some nice jewelry, but she decided to box these up and store them until she became less emotional about Joe.

Next, she started doing things that she didn’t feel comfortable doing when Joe was around. For instance, Joe would never go to the ballet with her. Keeley had trained as a classical dancer and she appreciated Swan Lake and Giselle. When a performance came to town, she got a couple of girlfriends together and they went. This is not something she would have done if she had been together with Joe.

She also decided to join an adult dance class. Partially, it got her out of the house two nights a week. It also got her back into shape. But, she was able to meet new people as well. She liked the comraderie of the class.

She also explored new passions. She never knew much about fine wines. Joe had preferred beer and she had usually just ordered the house white. But when she heard a local winery was offering a wine tasting class, she decided to join.

Over the course of five weeks, she developed a palate. She began to appreciate the difference between a young wine and an old wine.

And, she met Rodney. Rodney was a good looking lawyer who was interested in good wine and fine food. He was also interested in Keeley.

Part of how Keeley knew that she was getting over the pain of losing Joe was that she was interested in Rodney.

Keeley doesn’t know whether the relationship with Rodney is going to be long term or a short term rebound fling. But she does know that she doesn’t miss Joe when Rodney is around. And that’s moving on break up advice!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Boyfriend

If you read any agony aunt columns you will often see a letter titled "should I get back together with my ex boyfriend". The answer is always; "It depends!".

It depends on your age, how long you were together, why you broke up and ultimately what both of you want.

What does age have to do with it? Some people met their first love in their early teens and become convinced that this is the only person in the world that matters. For some it works out really well and years later they are celebrating their Golden Jubilee. But for most of us, our passionate youthful infatuations are not real love and we go on to meet our true soul mates. So if you are very young and have just split up with your first boyfriend, you should probably try dating some other boys first to see whether Mr Ex is in fact Mr Right as opposed to Mr Right now. If you have dated a load of men and this man is your ideal mate, then you should make every effort to get back together with him.

How long you were together will also play a part in whether you should make up or not. A couple who have been together a couple of weeks do not know each other that well despite what they may think. The sexual attraction between couples in the early stages of a romance can often blind you to the fact that your partner is not a candidate for a lifelong happy relationship. Emotions run very high in the early days and you could find yourself splitting up on a weekly basis. If this is the case, it is often a sign that there is no future for you at this point in time.

If you have been together for years, you may have split up because you have taken each other for granted. Couples drift apart as life gets in the way. You often find that you spend more quality time with your neighbors and friends than you do with your significant other. Illness, stress and financial worries can also play a part. If you have been together forever and have suddenly split up, then you should make every effort to sit down and discuss your relationship to see is it worth saving. Sometimes, sadly it isn't but at least you will know that you have made every effort.

Why you broke up will partly determine whether you should get back together or not. If you and you ex boyfriend have split because of a silly misunderstanding then you should try getting back together. It is pointless letting your pride stop you from saying sorry if you acted childishly. If on the other hand you have split up due to lies, deceit, fraud or an affair, the decision to get back together is a lot more difficult.

Ultimately it depends on what both of you want. You cannot force someone else to love you even if you do resort to emotional blackmail. Saying I want to get back together with my ex boyfriend is easily achievable if he also wants this to happen.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Seeking Out Advise For Broken Relationships

Dealing with a broken relationship can be difficult. You may not know how to fix the relationship. Often, you might not even know where to begin. You need to start looking for advise for broken relationships from multiple sources. Having advice from multiple sources is the perfect way to make sure that you are doing what you can to fix your relationship. You need to talk to your relatives and your friends about the situation. You also need to seek out help online or off line from professionals who may be able to help.

Talk to Relatives

Relatives can be some of the best people to talk to for advice for broken relationships. Your family, collectively, has been through a lot. It is nearly guaranteed that some people in your family have gone through broken relationships.

While some may have failed, others may have worked. You can talk to people who know what did not work, and what ruined their broken relationship. You can also talk to people who have had success to see what worked for them. You can easily see both sides to see what steps to avoid, and what steps to focus on. Relatives can easily put you on the right path to fix your broken relationship.

Talk to Friends

It is important to talk to friends about all of your issues. Friends can be there to pick you up, and to make you feel better. Friends can also be a good sounding board for any idea you might have about fixing your relationship. They will be able to tell you if they think that your idea is good, or that it is something that will not work.

Friends may have also gone through a similar process. They may be able to tell you what worked for them, and what didn't work for them.

Seek Help From Professionals

You should also seek help on or offline when looking for advice for broken relationships. Many professionals will use the Internet as a way to reach people. They will put out free advice about broken relationships. Use this advice as a way to see another angle on your relationship. This advice may be the way to get your relationship straightened out.

In Summary

Relatives are always a great resource for advise for broken relationships. They can often give the best advice because they have had more life experiences. They have had to deal with more, and can help you find the way. Friends are also a good place to seek out advice. They will listen, and will be able to see your situation in a more personal way. You also need to seek out advice for broken relationships from on and off line resources. This professional help may give you the tips that you need. If you have a broken relationship, you need advice from as many places as you can find.