Monday, January 10, 2011

5 Questions To Ask In Serious Boyfriend-Girlfriend Relationships

There are plenty of different types of relationships in the world of dating. There are some relationships that are only about sexual relations and intimacy. There are other relationships that are simply for fun, bringing together friends as a way to enjoy time together. Finally, there are serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that could easily turn into something special.

It is important for both parties to be open and honest in these serious relationships. If you find that you are in a serious relationship, you need to ask your significant other a few questions.

What Are Your Goals?

If your relationship is starting to get serious, you need to talk about goals. You need to ask your boyfriend about his various goals to understand where you fit in with his life. By talking about his goals, you can work to help him to reach those goals. Try to talk about your own goals as well; this mutual understanding can help to make your relationship stronger.

Am I In Your Future?

If you are in a long and serious relationship, you may have questions about the future. While it may be risky to do so, ask your boyfriend about the future. Ask him if he can see you in his future plans. His answers may help you to better understand the status of your relationship.

What Do You Think About Kids?

As relationships go on, feelings get stronger. You need to make sure that you and your boyfriend are on the same page before you get too emotionally vested. If you want to have kids, talk to him about it. While you are not saying that you want kids right away, you are letting him know that you see kids in your future. If you are on a different page, as far as kids are concerned, you may rethink your relationship.

What Do You Think About Marriage ?

The same can be said for marriage; talk to your boyfriend about his thoughts on marriage. If he says that he never wants to get married, the relationship may not work out for you. You simply need to understand that your feelings on marriage in general are the same.

How Serious Are We?

There is nothing wrong with asking your boyfriend about the seriousness of your relationship. Ask him about the seriousness of your relationship. He may surprise you by telling you that he is more serious that you anticipated. He may also be less serious about your relationship, causing you to question the relationship as a whole.

These are just a few of the questions that you should ask in serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. These questions will help you to have a better understanding of one another; a crucial step in the overall process of a serious relationship. These various questions will help you to understand exactly how serious your relationship is.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

6 Sure Ways To Build Trust In A Relationship

If there is one thing that is vital to any successful relationship, it's trust. It makes sense to do what you can to improve trust if you want to be a happy couple. The funny thing is that the things we often think will work end up having the opposite effect. So, what can you do? You can start by following any of the following six tips to help you build trust in a relationship.

1- "Spice things up?" That's what your well-meaning friends will try to tell you do at the first sign of trouble. While this may work in some cases, it may not be the best course of action if you are trying to gain more trust. What often works is being predictable. That's because it goes hand in hand with expectations. It's easier to trust somebody if you have some idea of what they will do in certain situations. That's what we're talking about here. You don't have to be a boring, mindless machine, but do try to have some level of predictability.

2 - Congruity. What's that? That's just a fancy way of saying that you should say what you mean and mean what you say. No matter how good you think you are at saying something, if you don't really feel that way your body language won't match. Criminologists who specialize in lie detection are trained to spot these incongruities. If they can do it, how much better will your partner be at it? After all, they know you much better. Nobody likes a phony. So be sure your body language matches your words if you want to build trust in a relationship.

3 - Give to get. Ever wish your partner would trust you more? There's one sure way to make that happen, and it's by trusting them first. It doesn't matter if you think you're more trustworthy or not. It is incredibly difficult to trust somebody who doesn't trust you. Believe in your partner. Try to catch your significant other telling the truth, and also operate from the expectation that they are telling the truth in the first place. It will help, and keep things running more smoothly.

4 - Be an open book. Keeping secrets is a form of dishonesty and is counterproductive to building trust. If it helps, assume your partner will find out eventually anyway; so they may as well learn the truth from you. Simple.

5 - What do you need? Your partner isn't a mind reader. You have to be clear as to what your needs are, as to what you want, and so on. It's also important to assert yourself when you need to. Again, don't leave it to your partner to guess. They will usually be wrong and will lead to a loss of trust.

6 - Grow as a couple. Just like a garden, a relationship needs the right kind of care and cultivation for it to be bountiful Go through new experiences, good or bad, together. Be there for each other. By doing this you will deepen the level of trust in your relationship. Decide that it is indeed important to build trust in a relationship and work together to make it happen. You will be a stronger, happier couple as a result.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

4 Reasons to Avoid Boyfriend-Girlfriend Quizzes

There are a lot of quizzes on the Internet that aim to analyze your relationship. They want to tell you how compatible you are with your boyfriend, and they want to tell you how good of a boyfriend or girlfriend you have. Some quizzes even aim to tell you whether or not your significant other is cheating on you. These quizzes cause nothing but problems and issues in relationships, and should be avoided.

Here are 4 major reasons to avoid boyfriend/girlfriend quizzes.

They're Making you Paranoid

You may not realize it, but these quizzes may actually be making you paranoid, as far as your relationship is concerned. The quizzes will give you advice that could cause you to question the merits of your significant other, and of your relationship. Unfortunately, many of these quizzes make these assertions without any proof. You may start to believe that your relationship isn't as good as it could be simply because of bad advice from an online quiz.

They're Too General

These types of quizzes are far too general. They ask broad, sweeping questions that do not actually indicate anything, positive or negative. Their generalizations could hurt your views of your relationship, and for no good reason.

Relationships are Unique

It is important to understand that each and every relationship is unique. Your connection and interactions with your boyfriend or girlfriend are different than any other connection you will have. Relationships are unique, and should be viewed and analyzed as such. When you rely on a quiz that is full of generalization, you rely on something that is not taking your relationship into account. Your relationship is too unique to be thrown in with simple relationship generalizations.

It Can Lower your Trust

Many will find that online quizzes can actually lower their trust, causing multiple problems in their relationship. If you start to see quizzes that talk about cheating boyfriends or girlfriends, you may begin to question the loyalty in your own relationship. Suddenly, problems that do not even exist are being brought up. You should trust that you understand your boyfriend or girlfriend, and that they are being open and honest with you. If you truly believe these things, you will find little to no need for these types of quizzes or tests.

You may turn to boyfriend/girlfriend quizzes for advice for your relationship. These quizzes should actually be the last place that you would look for relationship advice. It is ok to be confused about your relationship; simply talk to family and friends about your relationship and how you feel about your significant other. The words of advice and encouragement that they can provide will be more thoughtful, personalized, and realistic than any advice you would receive from these types of quizzes.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Affair Relationships - Can They Really Last

Affair relationships, can they really last? If your relationship has started off as an affair and the two of you are wondering if you should leave your spouses and try to make a go of your relationship, you have to carefully consider the consequences of such an action.

It's very tough to keep a relationship going if it has started off by both of you lying and cheating. For one thing you're both going to have a real problem trusting each other. I mean, you both know that you've both cheated, how can you ever really be sure that you won't each cheat on each other? Even if the two of you can overcome that, there are still all the other issues to consider.

For one thing, are there kids involved? This is by far the hardest situation to work through. No one wants to hurt their kids and it will be virtually impossible for the kids to ever feel warm fuzzies for the person who broke their other parent's heart (at least that's the way the kids will see it. More than likely they'll let their cheating parent largely off the hook and blame the other man/woman).

Even if there aren't kids involved, you have to remember that this relationship is just like any other: it starts off hot and passionate, but can you keep that alive? Your marriage probably started off that way too and look where that is.

One of the biggest reasons the two of you felt so free in the first place was because you didn't share any responsibilities. The day to day grind is almost always what slowly works it's way between couples and causes the problems. You have to be realistic enough to recognize that the very same thing will happen between the two of you over time. Your brand new 'soulmate' may not seem so brand new in five or ten years... just like your spouse.

Of course, having considered all of these facts there still remains one question you have to ask yourself, do you still love your spouse? If you can honestly say that you just don't feel love for your spouse (and I'm not talking about the fireworks, tingling toes feeling that always fades and changes in any relationship) than despite the pain it will cause you might be doing them a favor in the long run by leaving.

If it comes to that, it's best for everyone involved if you don't let them know that the catalyst for the breakup is your affair. That is one secret you should keep to yourself. Just let your spouse know that the marriage is over and be as compassionate as possible.

Affair relationships almost never work, but if the two of you have decided that even though you met in the wrong way, you still have a deep love for each other and that your marriages have been over for a long time, you might as well give it a go. Just keep the fact that you've been together while you were still married to other people, between the two of you. No need to cause unnecessary pain.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Can I Get My Husband To Love Me Again

Can I get my husband to love me again? What a tough position to be in. It's unbearably hard to be in love with someone who doesn't seem to still be in love with you. This situation is even worse when that person is your spouse, the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally.

It's just a sad reality that sometimes couples drift apart. Even though it's sad, it can also be overcome. It's easier to overcome if the relationship has just gotten stale than if there has been infidelity or some other really serious issue. If there has been serious problems like cheating and/ or other forms of abuse you might want to reevaluate your desire to get your husband to love you again. If there has been abuse than what the two of you shared, wasn't really love in the first place.

At that point counseling would be in order. If your husband abused you and you want his love again, there are some very serious issues that you have going on that need to be addressed. Find a good therapist, one that you like and trust, and spend as much time as you need to to figure out why you think so little of yourself that you would want to return to an abusive man and an abusive relationship.

Assuming there were no serious issues in your relationship, one of the first things you can do is to find out whether or not your husband really has fallen out of love with you. You may be surprised to find that he actually does still love you but that those feelings have just gotten pushed aside for one reason or another.

Sometimes it's just a case where both spouses get so stressed out with day to day life that they forget to 'be in love' with each other. The little looks, the small caresses tend to go by the wayside when life gets too overwhelming. It doesn't matter which spouse stops doing if first, eventually you may both be remiss in your affections to your spouse, and each of you may then conclude that the other doesn't love them anymore.

Your husband may well be wondering how he can get you to love him again! To find out if this is the problem, and to overcome it if it is, the best thing you can do is to free up some time. I know, many people would say they just don't have any free time, but in a lot of cases that's not entirely true. We tend to feel the need to take care of everyone and sometimes we have to teach ourselves to just walk away. You may find that in order to free up some time you'll have to let go of some of the commitments you either volunteer for or just can't say no to, your marriage is worth it.

Once you've found a way to free up some time for yourself, ask your husband to do the same. From that point on the two of you can use this time to reconnect with each other. Get to know each other all over again. Spend time together, without the kids, and just remind each other of the love and fun times you used to share. In most cases it is all still there and these 'reconnecting times' will allow it to begin to flow back.

So, yes, in answer to your question: can I get my husband to love me again, the answer is yes.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Break Up And Get Back Together Game

If the two of you are playing the break up and get back together game over and over and over again it is probably safe to say that there are issues that need to be addressed. One or both of you may have some type of commitment issues or maybe you just do not know how to communicate with each other effectively.

If you are tired of the game you can always just call it quits and try to move on or you can try to learn effective communication techniques and even learn to get over your commitment issues. There is someone for everyone and if you think you have found that someone then you need to figure out why you are playing these games.

Insecurities can play a big role in how we behave and my guess is that insecurities of some nature are behind the break up and get back together games that are being played.

Maybe you feel you are unlovable because of something that happened when you were young. Maybe he is trying to control you and keep you running back to him every time you break up. Maybe you both just like all the drama. Who knows, but if the games are getting tiresome and you want to stop and just have a normal relationship then my suggestion is, go see a couples counselor and get some help figuring out what the heck you two are doing to each other.

A good counselor can help you find the origin of the problem or problems that the two of you cannot seem to get around and help you work through them. If you really want to stay together you need to learn to break the old, hurtful dynamic of your relationship and form a new, more fulfilling one.

You have probably worn all your friends out trying to talk to them and asking for their help in figuring things out so much that when they see you coming they cringe in fear or run away screaming because the conversation always turns out to be all about you and the most recent break up.

Try talking to each other and try to agree to go see someone who can help on a professional basis. If you are all gung ho about learning how to have a better relationship and your mate is not then go by yourself. When they see the positive changes in you after you have been going for a while then they will probably give in and start going along with you. It is never too late to learn how to be a better partner in a relationship.

If you do decide to go together the counselor will probably give you couples homework. Exercises you can do at home together to strengthen your relationship and learn how to communicate on a different level. Trust will grow and insecurities will fade. They may not go away altogether but they will turn out to be so insignificant that they will no longer have a negative affect on your relationship. You will finally be able to stop playing the break up and get back together game and have a much more trusting, loving, fulfilling relationship.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

7 Tips For Getting Back Together After A Break Up

There are many people that try to get back together with their ex after they go through a break up. They realize that they did not want to actually break up with their significant other, and they want to rectify the situation.

Unfortunately, many fail to understand how to actually get back together with an ex. These seven tips for getting back together after a break up will help you to make all of the right moves, and will help you to get back together with your ex.

Limit your Texting and Calling

If you are trying to get back together with someone after a break up, you need to make sure that you limit your texts and calls to that person. While it is important to keep in contact with the person, it is also important to note appear desperate. The more you call and text, the more desperate you may seem.

Go Out with Friends

If you are trying to get back together with your ex, you want to make sure that you continue on with your life. Enjoy time with friends and family. When you spend time with those you care about, you will be in a better mood. A good mood is contagious, and could spread to your ex.

Make a Romantic Gesture

A single romantic gesture can be the one thing that you need to get back together with your ex. This romantic gesture will show them that you are thinking about them, and that you are willing to go the extra mile to get back together with them.

Give Them Space

It can be difficult to do, but giving space to the person that you are trying to get back together with is the most important thing to do. You need to make sure that you give your ex time to think, and time to miss you. If you are constantly trying to talk to them, they may feel as if they do not have the space to consider getting back together with you.

Talk to Mutual Friends

Talk to mutual friends about your situation. They may know more about the thoughts and feeling about your ex than you do, and they may put in a good word for you the next time they talk to your ex.

Ask for a Date

When you feel comfortable, you need to ask your ex out on a date. Taking your ex out on a romantic and thoughtful date will give you the best chance possible at a reconciliation.

Be Patient and Slow

It is important for you to take this entire process slow. If you try to push too hard, you may push your ex away. Allow for time to play itÕs part as you work to get back together with your ex after you have broken up.

At first, you may find it difficult to follow all of these different tips. Some of these tips will go against the emotions you may feel during the process. This self-control and self restraint will help you to improve your chances of getting back together after a break up.